Getting a no

A few years ago I saw a TED talk about a man who decided to seek out rejection. For 100 days he would do something every day that could end in a no. He asked a stranger for money. He ordered something off the menu that did not exist. He asked strangers if they wanted to dance with him, and wondered whether he could make the closing announcement at the local grocery store.

Behind something that at first glance may look rather odd lies an important question: what happens when we are willing to risk a no? That is the starting point for this workshop series.

My name is Klara Berg and I am a licensed psychologist facilitating the series. I want to combine psychological knowledge with playfulness, seriousness and the power of the group. We mix exercises inspired by Rejection Therapy with knowledge about avoidance, intolerance of uncertainty and principles from exposure — and explore together what happens when we actually dare to try.

Avoiding uncertainty and only trying when the chance of success is high is not strange at all. It is vulnerable to risk a no. A no can awaken shame, self-criticism or memories of once being left out, criticised, bullied or rejected. What we went through can keep affecting us long afterwards. So it is also understandable that we try to protect ourselves by avoiding situations where the outcome is uncertain or the risk of rejection feels large.

The examples of dancing with a stranger or asking to make the announcement in a grocery store may of course seem a little peculiar. But behind the absurd lies a bigger question: what happens when we dare to ask for what we really want, when it truly matters?

When we apply for the job we really want, tell someone how we feel, ask for help or invite someone who means a lot to us — without knowing in advance whether the answer will be yes or no.

This is not about pushing yourself to do things that feel frightening, or being hard on yourself for avoiding. On the contrary, we need to start with curiosity and warmth.

We try to understand what the behaviour protects us from and which strategies we have learned in order to handle fear — and at the same time explore what becomes possible when those strategies no longer get to decide everything.

Over three evenings we explore this together in a small group of no more than 10 participants, through conversation, meditation, practical exercises and shared reflection.

We meet on 27 October, 10 November and 24 November, 18.00–20.30.

This is a workshop series — not individual psychotherapy or group therapy. The purpose is to explore, try and reflect together, not to treat mental ill health.

Perhaps there is something you would like to do, if you did not need to be certain of a yes.

Welcome to sign up!